My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
