I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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