can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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