do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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