It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
