with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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