Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
