Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
