I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize