Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
