i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
