i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
