There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
