Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Randomize
