You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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