those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
