Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
