When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
