I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
