it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
