i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
