I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
