Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
do nipples grow back?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
