I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
