No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is Oprah even human
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