I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
