We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
