Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
