I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
