I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
