ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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