Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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