you guys were way drunker than both of me
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
