hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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