yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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