It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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