had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
