Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
