Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
