My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
