is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize