I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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