all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
