What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
