i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
