I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
