I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
