There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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