Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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