If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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