Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
