I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
