I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
