I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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