I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
