I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you didnt know i had herpes?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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