So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
