On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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