I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize