i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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