The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
