Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
