my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
