he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
