i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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