There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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