Having a random hookup so left but love u
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
