I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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