why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
