shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
