it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you would pick up someone in the library
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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