At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
high people should be assigned attendants
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
