Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
