I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
