i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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