what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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