Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
