12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
